Transition

The past two weeks have definitely had their ups and downs. After an exceptionally long and hard week 2 weeks ago, I finally discovered what was causing my anxiety, mood swings, irritability, and worsening depression for the past 6 weeks. A birth control pill. One little daily dose of hormones that just happened to be enough to set me over the edge. SO....I stopped taking them and within 2 days I started to feel like the old me again! Of course the trauma of what I have gone through over the past month is still there, but I can finally wake up and not feel nervous or sick to my stomach. I can make it through an entire day without a panic attack. And best of all,...I can finally enjoy spending countless hours doing nothing but being with my beautiful little princess. 

BUT,...then last week rolled around. The day that I have dreaded since November....my first night back to work.

Returning to work has definitely been a struggle for me. I never in a million years could have imagined that it would be so hard to leave her. I have an emotional meltdown each night before I leave. I cry and cry and kiss her about a thousand times before I leave the house. And then after an hour long drive full of sobs and tears, I somehow manage to collect myself and walk into work. The nights have been absolute torture being that I haven't been awake much past 11 o'clock in three months. I just have to continue telling myself that I am doing this for Mya...she gives me something to look forward to in the morning. I knew that this transition wouldn't be easy. But I also know that I have to do this for me. So, I am working very hard to get back to feeling myself again. Over time, I think this will happen. Just one day at a time.