I had some errands to run early this morning. Luckily, I had someone here to sit with Mya while I ran out by myself. I felt a little guilty at first...had to continue to remind myself that doing something alone and for ME is a good thing. I was only gone for about 40 minutes. Still feeling much in a cloud today,...nervous,....wanting to cry.....for no reason at all.
So on the way home, I checked in to make sure Mya wasn't fussy.....and I drove right past my house! I kept going. Thinking I just needed a few more minutes to think and collect my racing thoughts.
About 20 minutes later, I went home, meeting my little sister at the door. Mya was hungry. She had taken a few ounces that I had frozen for such times, but was still fussy. As soon as I walked into the living room and she caught a glimpse of me she stopped crying. Sometimes it is so gratifying knowing that I am the only person in the world that can comfort her. No matter how frustrating the nights are when she will not sleep alone, or wants to nurse every hour, it is times like this that make it all worthwhile. For once, I finally saw it for myself. No matter how many times before others would tell me...."Look how she responds to you" or "She sure knows her Mom", it never really sunk in. But today it did. I felt that bond for myself....and I cried. But it was a good cry. I think that things might be looking up for me. I think I might see a glimpse of the light at the end of this dark tunnel.
No comments:
Post a Comment